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"Rome wasn't built in a day, but several Wet Shoelaces CDs were..."  - Confucius

 

Never Mind The Velcro

(I Wanna) Fuck Yr Mom

 

Yeah, I wanna fuck your mom

Yeah, I wanna fuck your mom

Yeah, I wanna fuck your mom

And then Iíll fuck your dad

The best time heís ever had

 

Every time that I see your mom

I got to admit that sheís got it goiní on

And every time that I see your dad

I look at my buttplug and feel a little sad

 

Yeah, I wanna fuck your mom

Yeah, I wanna fuck your mom

Yeah, I wanna fuck your mom

And then Iíll fuck your dad

The best time heís ever had

 

Every time that I see your mom

I get a big old raginí hard-on

And every time that I see your dad

I jump on my buttplug and get a little mad

 

Yeah, I wanna fuck your mom

Yeah, I wanna fuck your mom

Yeah, I wanna fuck your mom

And then Iíll fuck your dad

The best time heís ever had

That fucking fag

 

 

Abstract Painting

I live in an abstract painting

Itís such a pain but itís so amazing

I live in an abstract painting

Itís such a pain but itís so amazing

 

I live in the abstract world

I live with an abstract girl

Her bodyís a triangle intersected by stars

But thereís a million more just like her in the abstract singles bars

You know why?  (Why?)

 

Cuz I live in an abstract painting

Itís such a pain but itís so amazing

I live in an abstract painting

Itís such a pain but itís so amazing

 

I work at an abstract job

My boss shows me his abstract knob

Then at the end of the abstract day

Punch the abstract clock and Iím on my abstract way

You know why?  Because

 

I live in an abstract painting

Itís such a pain but itís so amazing

I live in an abstract painting

Itís such a pain but itís so fucking swell!

 

 

Love The Drugs

I got a drug from the doc helps me sleep at night

I got one that gets the day begun

I got this crazy little pill, you know, for migraine headaches, baby

Sometimes I pop that sucka just for fun

 

I got a pill to cure my ill, a pill to make my penis longer

Satisfaction guaranteed

Itís such a drag when you canít afford the drugs you want

Even worse when you canít afford the drugs you need

 

I love the drugs, love the drugs, love the drugs, I really love Ďem

Yeah I really, really do

I love the drugs, love the drugs, love the drugs, I really

And I know that you do too, all right!

 

Call the doc Martha, call him quick

I just saw sumpiní on TV

Now I know I donít seem sick

But it looked like something might be wrong with me

 

A cornucopia, a pharmacopoeia

Iím so glad Iím in the USA, I mean

Who needs death squads and ethnic cleansing

When you could have the FDA?

 

I love the drugs, love the drugs, love the drugs, I really love Ďem

Yeah I really really do

I love the drugs more than hugs cuz they really push and shove Ďem

Down the throats of both me and you, guitar!

 

Warning, this song has been shown

To have the following side effects in clinical trials

Dizziness, disorientation, nausea, vomiting

Of black sticky bile

 

Loss of all motor function

A strange funky odor every time that you pee

Head lice, bad constipation

And two bloody welts where your eyes used to be!

 

I love the drugs, love the drugs, love the drugs, I really love Ďem

Yeah I really really do

I love the drugs, love the drugs, love the drugs, I really

And I know that Bear does too, he plays guitar

 

Love the drugs, love the drugs, love the drugs, I really love Ďem

Yeah I really really do

I love the drugs more than hugs cuz they really push and shove Ďem

Right down the throats of both me and you, all right!

 

(Man, gimme another line of that)

 

 

Save Us From The Fish

Save us from the fish

 

Save us from the cows

Oh fucking save us man from the fucking cows

Save us from the cows

 

Save us from the sheep

Save us from the sheep, man

Save us man

Itís a really heavy trip man

Save us from the sheep, man

Save us from the sheep

 

Baaa!!!!

 

Save us from the sheep!!!

 

(I think they better save the sheep from me)

 

Get outta that pen, boy

 

 

Butter Run

Once I was an old man, or so I heard them say

One time last November on a bright and boggy day

And if I am an old man and I should come to harm, well

Try to keep the butter from running down your arm, hey!

 

Satan ate my biscuits, he stole my Styrofoam

Now I am an old man and Iíll never be alone

And if I am an old man, and I should come to harm

Try to keep the butter from running down your arm, hey!

 

If you see me eat some brie, do not raise the alarm

Simply substitute it for some moldy chicken parm

Growing motorcycles on an old Suzuki farm

Try to keep the butter from running down your arm!

 

 

Free Trip To Heaven (Details Inside)

We got a free trip to heaven, details inside

Then I stop and I turn and I go for a ride

Then I get to the bottom just to see you ainít got Ďem

But a big can of tanning for my heathen hide

 

So letís slice up to pieces in the name of Jesus

I love monkey shit, itís like Rhesus feces

And I donít wanna know about the way that you go

Or the blow that you toot, or the twinkie that you blow

 

Cuz he is the reason for the motherfuckiní season

Of suicide bombers and kids committing treason

Jumpiní outta windows, filled with just derision

I just dropped out to see my condition

 

So letís slice Ďem up to pieces in the name of Jesus

Your city has been bomb-ed in the name of Mohammed

So eat some fucking Gouda in the name of Buddha

Cuz heís so full of grace sittiní on my fuckiní face

 

Cuz itís a free trip to heaven, details inside

Unzip my envy, swallow my pride

Cuz I got compassion for the motherfuckiní Passion

But I ainít goiní up to heaven without my 7-11

 

Meet the 666 with my 30.06

And soon all his minions will be suckiní our dicks

Donít make me laugh with that evil grin

Because Iím Jesus, and I will win!

 

So letís slice Ďem all to pieces in the name of Jesus

So letís slice Ďem all to pieces in the name of Jesus

So letís slice Ďem all to pieces in the name of Jesus

So letís slice Ďem all to pieces in the name of Jesus

 

Letís slice, slice, slice, in the name of Jesus

Letís kill, kill, kill, in the name of Allah

Letís butcher, butcher, butcher, in the name of Mohammed

Letís kill, kill, kill, in the name of Yahweh

 

Free trip to heaven, details inside

Then I stop (then he stops) then I turn (then he turns) then I go for a fuckiní ride

Just to get to the bottom just to see you ainít got Ďem

Just a big can of tanning for my heathen hide

 

So letís slice up to pieces in the name of Jesus

Love monkey shit, itís like Rhesus feces

And I donít wanna know about the way that you go

Or the blow that you toot, or the twinkie that you blow

 

Cuz he is the reason for the motherfuckiní season

Of suicide bombers and kids committing treason

Jumpiní outta windows, filled with just derision

I just dropped out to see my condition

 

So letís slice Ďem up to pieces in the name of Jesus

Your city has been bomb-ed in the name of Mohammed

So eat some fucking Gouda in the name of Buddha

Cuz heís so full of grace sittiní on my face

 

Cuz itís a free trip to heaven, details inside

 

Slice Ďem all to pieces in the name of Jesus

Jesus fucking Christ!

 

Amen brothers and sisters!

Can I get an amen?!

Can I please get an amen?!

Thank you, thank you very much

 

 

Rachael Ray, Go Away!

Oh Rachael Ray!!!!!!

Please go away!!!!!

Even though youíre hot enough

To turn Ann Coulter gay

Please go away

Oh Rachel Ray

Please go away

 

Quickalicous is not a word

(Sheís pretty hot though)

 

 

We Need A Hit

Iím gettiní tired of goiní to work

The pay sucks, my boss is a jerk

The carís broke and itís all out of gas

I think the underground can go kiss my ass

We need a hit!

 

Weíll have the money and the industry clout

All the brown M&Mís that Van Halen threw out

Full sized sandwiches you donít gotta fold

Forget my soul, babe, itís already sold

We need a hit!

 

With a fuckiní guitar solo, man!

Cuz everybody knows that only the big hits have guitar solos

And all the big fucking hits gotta have guitar solos

Thatís how you know weíre heavy business when we bring out our fucking hit single

 

And this is the part where we get just the left-hand side singiní

And then weíll get just the right-hand side singiní

And then weíll get just the girls

And then maybe just the boys

 

I want the fortune baby, I want the fame

I want the girls and I want the cocaine

I wanna sell records in stupendous amounts

I wanna party with the people who count

We need a hit!

 

We need a fucking hit

Oh my god we need a fucking hit

I havenít been laid in like three fucking weeks man

Holy shit man

My cocaine billís gonna come due any day man

Hereís my limo