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"Rome wasn't built in a day, but several Wet Shoelaces CDs were..."  - Confucius

 

Laughing At Maya

 

Journey of Sound (lyrics: DJ Mindtrip)

 

Welcome to a journey of sound and grooves for your mind

 

 

Ysabel’s Fetish

 

Some girls like salami, and some girls go for Spam

I once knew a vegan chick with cucumber in hand

But Ysabel likes bratwurst (yes she does!)

Ysabel likes bratwurst (yes she does!)

 

I once knew a girl who had a PhD (Pretty Huge Device?)

She opened up a butcher shop and then she said to me:

Ysabel likes bratwurst (yes she does!)

Ysabel likes bratwurst (yes she does!)

 

She once ran for mayor, to win that honored seat

Her constituents were surely shocked at what she did meat!

Cuz Ysabel likes bratwurst (yes she does!)

Ysabel, she likes bratwurst (yes she does!)

Ysabel digs bratwurst (yes she does!)

Ysabel likes bratwurst (yes she does!)

 

(And kielbasa too!)

 

 

Regina and the Organic Helicopter

 

Regina kept staring at the Delta of Venus

There was one tiny dot in the corner

Just about the point where her eye couldn’t make out

And it seemed to her that it was crawling slowly across the deltoid muscle

Further creating a near-perfect imbalance

Destroying whatever rapport she once had with the black-lace curtains

 

“Excuse me while the bed creaks a little here”

She said somewhat absent-mindedly

Taking my loose change and putting it on the nightstand

 

Reaching for the Rosetta Stone she kept in her left breast pocket

She began to translate every gesture I had made to her that night

Into some arcane language of her own invention

Spitting it back at me like some deranged warrior priestess

 

Opening her mouth all the way open

So her top jaw was exactly parallel with her bottom jaw

And all of her teeth were pointing towards the sky

Some kind of hideous unhinging of the head

 

She began to emit a wail that sounded like a banshee had found snakes in her hair

Just then an angry swarm of bees emerged from a tiny hole just beneath her left nostril

Right where she used to stash her cigarettes back in high school

 

Under the Sign of the Lamprey Eel

She began to peel the toaster back from the strudel on which it had once resided

Curling arrogantly around the remnants of yesterday’s dream

Persuaded by the children of Achilles to seek forth on some new vision-quest

 

Gone are the days of the Prophets and Seers

Gone are the days of the Oracles of Artemis and Athena

Your Baals are smashed, and your Ashera poles are burnt cinders

Fortunado’s cape has fallen to the ground

And the mask of Zorro lies somewhere under the seven seas

 

Cuz Superman and Green Lantern ain’t go nothin’ on me, babe

I’m the Spider that bit Peter Parker, and the bat in Bruce Wayne’s belfry

And the Kryptonite hiding beneath Clark Kent’s bed

With slathering, vicious jaws

 

Point out the farthest star in the night sky, and I’ll take you there

Point out the darkest dream and I will send it out on wings like hurricanes

Point out your own worst fear and let it be annihilated on the pyre of your own raging glory

 

“Disaster Biscuits!” she exclaimed, running to and fro

Like some maddened chicken

Pouring on the dinner gravy

 

She basked in the glory that only she knew

The glory that resided in the harmony of peas and corn

Butter and biscuits

 

Underneath the left front corner of her house

Enshrined like an eyelid sty

Lay the greatest embalmment in the history of humankind

The bones of Behemoth, the very monster itself!

And the carcass of Leviathan, arisen from the depths

To find its final resting place

In the cellar of some suburban housewife’s gruesome collection

 

Oh, many men had trophies

(Such as her husband)

But none, none had trophies like this:

Human heads adorned her walls

Arms and legs lacquered and nailed to plaques

Piles of whitened skulls

Half-rotted, maggot-eaten carcasses

Hung from hooks all about the gruesome room

As a grim testimony to the others she’d invited before you

 

Luckily there was no change in her coin-operated zapgun unit

Allowing you to make your timely escape in your eco-friendly, biofuel-powered organic helicopter

 

 

Satan Ate My Biscuits

 

Satan ate my biscuits

When I first saw your face

He laughed and munched hysterically

It was quite a fall from grace!

 

Satan ate my biscuits

When I first looked in your eyes

His minions slavered slavishly

As they divvied up the prize!

 

Satan ate my biscuits

When I first brought you home

Now I am and old man

But I’ll never be alone!

 

Satan ate my biscuits (Satan did it!  Satan did it!)

 

 

Concerto for Didgeridoo

 

You think you know the past?

The past is just probability

Like the future

And we cling to our slowly-roving now

Like a lamprey attached to some blind Leviathan

 

Compare cherished memories with dear old friends

Funny how gospel truth is never the same way twice

And if what we agree on seems all the more probable

Well, there’s a reason for that

 

Some can do this in reverse

(Or un-reverse, for time’s illusion)

These we call the Seers

These we call the Oracles of God

 

Just think the possibilities if we could master probabilities!

We’d be lottery winners and never beginners

 

But at this time in Non-Time (Time being constant)

It’s simply not probable your probability perception

Could filter the fragments of Future Mathematics

 

All, but be grateful to Non-Time

For you are a Now

And it’s probable, Now, that you might be Here...

 

 

Welcome To My Mind (lyrics: DJ Mindtrip)

 

Welcome to my world

Welcome inside my mind

I don’t have no one to tell you what’s goin’ on

So welcome to my inner being

 

I want you to free your mind

Free your soul

I want you to come on a journey with me

Come on a journey with us

 

It’s really nice, get a little more drunk

Alcohol is not the solution, but it helps the situation

Come into my mind

A vision for my thoughts

 

Tell me what you want

Baby I wanna know who you are

 

I may be able to get you to

Being very bubbly

I don’t know

I ran out of merchandise, I wanna get you there

 

We can fly

Higher than high

We can do things that nobody would think of

 

Welcome to my mind

Welcome to my thoughts

Alcohol isn’t the solution, but it helps the situation

Welcome to my mind

Welcome to my mind

 

Hey, c’mon baby

I want to…

I want to do things to you

That nobody else had done to you

 

I want to get you drunk

And laugh at you

While your friends pick you up off the ground

 

Welcome to my mind

It’s a mighty twisted mind